Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
