The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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