Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
