So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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