Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Your penis caused this!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
