it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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