i jhust puked up my retainher.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
