I wish life had little blips of pornography
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
