He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Randomize
