I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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