Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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