Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
