i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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