Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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