i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
