My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize