I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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