My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
