Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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