hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
