I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
just tell him i said nine months
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I think your dad took our porno
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
