CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize