i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
