sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
