you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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