Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
