I'm jealous of your bromance
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
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