I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
