remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
