If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
