News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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