Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
