in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Randomize
