and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
