I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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