No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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