my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
