He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
