So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
