my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
