You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
did i just pee glitter
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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