So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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