I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
