Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
