her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
