Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
