8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
