When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
