I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
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