I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
