I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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