Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
