I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
