Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
