OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
