if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
