I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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