Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
