Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
