either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Randomize
