I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
