my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
