I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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