Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
