He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
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