does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
