booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
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