im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
