Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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