Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
