i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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