I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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