you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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