the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
