My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
