Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
