Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
don't judge my taste in strippers
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
