so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
