after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
