I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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