you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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