either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
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you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
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she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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