She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
