bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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