..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
they need to just BURY HIM!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
