remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
