i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
