so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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